First Time Ever In 27 years I Finally unhooked My First Fish.

Anyone who knows me should know by now since i was a child i would freak out if a fish got near me.  I am soooooo not kidding either, i would cry and have a panic attack . I even worked as a demo specialist for cross mark in Sams club, basically i was just handing out food samples.One of the samples i had to do was fish (salmon) that still had the skin on one side, i cant even tell you how long i cooked the side with the skin until it peeled off. Then i had grabbed two forks and tongs just so i didn't have to touch it that is how scared i was of it. To be fair when i was younger i was the only girl my parents where ever going to have, so they kept me girly as possible. Maybe when i was 2 and i had touched a fish, maybe it wouldn't have been like this. So my oldest brother and my youngest brother and myself where suppose to go on the deep sea charter boat in Galveston Texas, but it was cancelled so we went to this pier . Now before i go more into this not only was i absolute terrified to even bait my own hook with dead fish, but i did with squid that i cut up myself and baited it. So we are at the pier and it just starts pouring down rain,even though the pier had a roof on top it was leaking. So we are trying to put our tackle box in a dry spot along with our ciggs and lighters and cover them with a towel, and trying to hide the mullet and shrimp bait in a spot so the dang birds would stop trying to steal it.
 Let me just say it rained for three and a half hours, i wore a light pink shirt and black Capri's. When the sun started to peek out and the cloud's started moving away, my shirt was dark pink and just clinging to my skin. I caught 1 baby catfish and 1 weird looking spade-fish, I removed the baby catfish off the hook, my oldest brother Jonathon removed the spade-fish because i didn't understand how to grab it because it was flat, it was hooked way down so he helped.I was so excited and now that i had faced my fears i was finally over it .
  So this Tuesday, we finally got to go on our charter boat.It was a 4 hour fishing trip,what really ticked me off about that trip was i understand children who never been out to sea get sea sick but the older adults where doing it.The first spot we were at my youngest brother and my oldest brother where catching fish after fish so was heather, but i was the only one who wasn't getting anything . Of  course i was getting bites but wasn't actually getting anything. So there was about 50 people on this boat and they started puking then most of them where on the inside with the ac and started complaining that when they stepped out to put there line in the water they weren't catching anything   like really???
We moved to another spot and not one bite, so we moved again in much calmer water someone caught a decent size hammer head shark, pretty cool if i say so myself.
So behold the spot i was signed too i moved to front of the boat, the deckhand who was near us he was pretty cool so he didn't really care.I finally caught my first fish it was a trout and i was soo happy. Then i caught my second one i would've had gotten more but it was time to reel our lines back in and go back to the dock. So besides the whole sea sick issue it was pretty fun , i surely hope we get to go back again.....

100 things about me!!!

1.) Full Name- ashley renee johnson
2.) Zodiac Sign- Scorpio
3.) 3 Fears:- losing a loved one, snakes,frogs
4.) 3 Things I Love- god,music,family
5.) My Best Friend or Friend's?- sandra,vanessa
6.) What Do I Miss?- not taking my youth for granted.
7.) Favorite Color?- purple
8.) Favorite quote: -from gods not dead 2- I would rather stand with god and be judged by the world,then stand with the world and be judged by god.
9.) What I Am Listening To Right Now:-Better dig two-the band perry.
10.) Am I Sarcastic?- absolutely i get it from my moms side of the family.
11.)First Thing I Notice In A New Person?- their personality.you can tell alot by the way a persons acts
12.) Eye Color?- same ol boring brown
13.) Hair Color?- dark brown.
14.) Favorite Style of clothing?- country girl with rock style
15.) Relationship with my parents?- pretty good but their are more things i can talk to my mom about girl things then i can talk to my dad about.
16.) Favorite holidays?- Christmas, but does my birthday count?
17.) Tattoos and Piercings? - i have three tattoos, i did have my nose pierced but i took it out.
18.)Tattoos That i want?- i really want the red cardinal bird. for whenever i am sad it will remind me of my grandma Lyndall .
19.) How long does it take for you to get ready in the morning?- it really depends if i have to go somewhere or work.work i wake up a few hours early so i can be ready and if i am going to the store it is just when i am ready.
20.)Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable low?- like right now its low but when i am cleaning or in my car its always loud.
21.)Who is someone that you really miss?- my mom she moved to Idaho...
22.)What did you do yesterday?- went fishing in Galveston on the pier. caught two baby catfish and one spade fish..did i also mentioned we fished in the rain for 3 1/2 hours soaking wet?
23.)Favorite Song?- hail to the king-avenged sevenfold
24.)Favorite Animal?- wolf
25.) Do you have a guy bff?- yes his name is Aaron i met him when i was a sales associate and he worked in the electronic department...
26.) Do you Sing in the shower?- absolutely! i don't even care who hears me.
27.)Believe in Ghosts?- yes yes yes i do ..i actually have one in my bedroom that's more drawn to my room then any room in the house... if any of my brothers are home they avoid this room as much as possible.
28.) Are you jealous of anyone?- nope why would i be?
29.) Worst Habbit?- smoking and eating candy.
30.)Number of siblings?- 10
31.) Name of siblings?- Jonathon,Daniel,Tyler,Jessica,Jennifer,Kolton,Kimberly,Josh,Rachel,Peter.
32.) Something you wish you could say to an ex?- hope your having a good life,oh btw where is my $1,250? and can i get it in cash?
33.)  One thing your excited about?- my moms wedding
34.) Beach or Pool?- actually both!!! i am not a picky person!!!
35.) Do you think your pretty?- no not really but i do try,so that's a plus
36.) Longest Relationship?- 2 1/2 years and at first it was great but it really was just a waste of time tbh!!
37.)  Have you ever Cheated?- (explain)! no, there was a time when i thought about it but two wrongs don't make a right!
38.) Been Bullied?- yes from elementary thru half of high school .
39.) Addiction?-smoking...
40.) Whats the current weather condition in your city?- 71 and partly cloudy
41.) Have you ever Cried yourself to sleep?-yes i have.
42.) Have you ever been drunk?- omg yes .have you ever tried to throw your flip flop out of a moving car all because someone got in front of you... yes ask my brother... and no i was not driving
43.) whats your favorite TV shows?- true blood and desperate housewives OH! and 9-1-1
44.) If you had to change your name, What would it be?- Anastasia i always loved that name
45.)Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head on?- you know along time ago i probably would avoid it......but now i speak whats on my mind..
46.) Are you a good cook?- i am no master chef but i would like to think i am ....never really had a complaint before..
47.) What's the weirdest thing you have seen?- Bragg ghost road in Saratoga Texas, saw a ghost walk straight out into the road freaked me and my little brother out...
48.)How difficult is it for you to be honest?- even if your words hurt? depends on the situation,i mean if i have to say something to get my point across then no its not really difficult for me.
50.) How difficult is it for you to forgive someone?- i give people chances time after time even when they don't deserve it but i like to think everyone deserve a chance.
51.) What town and state is your Birthplace?- Conroe Texas
52.) How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real?- you know tbh i don't really remember but we still joke with our mom about the Santa thing..
53.) Top favorite bands?- easy, Motley Crue, Avenged Sevenfold, Escape the Fate ,Falling in Reverse,Black Veil Brides,Papa Roach and Kiss...
54.) Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?- along time ago when my daddy had.
55.) After a breakup, would you rather be alone or surrounded by friends?- tbh i would rather be alone, not because i am upset but i don't really care.my last ex we were together for 2 and half yrs and the way he treated me and i finally broke it up . i didn't cry once after we broke up i wasted all my tears after all the crap he put me through.
56.) What was your first amusement park?- well i've been to carnivals at the Montgomery county fair grounds in Conroe Texas but my first big amusement park was six flags over Texas...
57.) What is the most scariest movie you have watched?- Annabelle creations ...and i live for horror movies...but that movie freaked me out....
58.) Are you a morning person or a night owl?- def a night owl ...
59.) Do you remember at what age you were allowed to wear make-up?- 16 but my dad still freaked out even if i wore eye shadow.
60.) What type of car do you drive?- a dodge durango but its currently in my driveway because its hard to find someone to buy it .
61.) What is your medical condition?- or do you have any? i found out that i am anemic .it sucks the time i found out.my feet swelled up like a pregnant woman.
62.) What was your first concert you ever attended?- kiss...i will always remember that because it was my first day i got braces.. i couldn't even eat a french fry from McDonald's...
63.) If you have a daughter, what would you name her?- maybe Annabel Jane
64.) If you have a son,what would you name him?- Joshua turner
65.) What were some of the jobs you worked at in the past?- sales associate,cashier, gas station clerk,demo specialist,home health care provider and caretaker.
66.) What was your first job?-gas station clerk,it was more of an under the table job.
67.) What costume do you remember wearing when you where younger?- Pocahontas . i also dressed up as my mom once.. more of the morning version...hair messed up,pajama pants,coffee mug in one hand,and slippers...
68.)  What was the most ridiculous thing you had to go the er for?- you know i don't remember... i don't think there ever was anything like that.
69.) Do you know how to pump your own gas?- omg yes i do....i find it hilarious that people actually cant figure it out..
70.) Do you love to dance?- lol not in public i don't lol.. i always feel weird.
71.) What makes you proud of your father?- hes a very hard working man .he always makes sure  that he never goes broke .although i wish he wouldn't push himself but still proud to be his daughter.
72.) What makes you proud of your mother?- after two divorces she took care of all four children and Christmas she always made sure we never went out.
73.) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight?- what is the first thing you would buy? first off i would make sure its legit.before i go blow it .but most likely a new vehicle.
74.) If you could have lunch with one famous person?- who would it be? Gene Simmons or Neil Patrick Harris they crack me up!!
75.) If you could go back and give your younger self advice, what would it be?- stop fighting to grow up so fast...take it slow ...
76.) If you could go on a vacation for free, where it would be?- oh Bora Bora, give me two weeks and ill promise ill come back with a better attitude.
77.) If you could only save one would you save humanity or the earth?- you know the earth..we humans trashed this earth and all its beauty...and its all because we are lazy..we all know its true..
78.) what is your nickname?- Do you have more than one? oh yes nay nay,baby nay or dissy
79.) Would you rather deal with a crying child or a spoiled child?- both its not that hard to deal with it .although i may not be a mother yet but all my friends call me the baby/child whisper.. lol i bet that will all change when i have my own...
80.) Would you rather have a live in message therapist or a live in chef?- a live in chef ..i like to cook but lets be honest not all the time.
81.) What was your reaction when you rode in a plane?- oh i was freaking out taking off and landing..
82.) What do you do when you can't sleep at night?- i usually like to watch you tube videos of paranormal stuff.really into that kinda stuff.
83.) What is the last movie you seen at the movie theater?- Jurassic world 2 fallen kingdom.. i thought it was pretty cool.
84.) What is a favorite hobby of yours?- cross-stitching i find it very relaxing..
85.) What female actress do you wish was your sister?- oh easy Melissa McCarthy she is absolutely hilarious.
86.) What male actor do you wish was your brother?- the rock (Dwayne rock Johnson) but tbh i like the brothers i have now and wouldn't change it for the world.sure i get on their nerves and they got on mine but still wouldn't trade em.
87.) Do you prefer titanic or the notebook?- Titanic such a great movie !!!
88.) Have you ever had a dream that freaked you out?- oh yes there had some where it would freak me out all day long ..
89.) Are you a fan of any sport teams?- no, my family loves the Dallas cowboys ..i am just not into it..
90.) What is your favorite candle scent?- vanilla and sweet pea.
91.)  Favorite alcoholic drink?- strawberry margarita
92.) Favorite Disney movie?- that's a hard one ..i like em all...every single one...
93.) which of your parents are you more like?- i would say my mom ... but there are some things i do like my father but lets be honest i have my moms attitude.
94.) Are you named after anyone?- yes my middle name is after my moms best friend she just happens to be my god mother..
95.) Name all the towns you lived in -Conroe,Madisonville,Bedias,Splendora,Tarkington,Cleveland,Grangerland,
96.) What grandparent did you mostly hang out more with as a child?- my papa David.. god i still miss him.
97.) Camping or a hotel for a week?- i wouldn't mind camping but i would go to a hotel just to go swimming.
98.) Coke or sweet tea?- sweet tea all day everyday...
99.) Summer or winter?- in between...lol as long as its not to hot or too cold..
100.) chocolate or vanilla?- oh chocolate....

banana peels can do what?

1.  

So a long time ago, I was about fourteen years old. My body went thru this weird thing, No i'm not talking about the usual teenage acne and all that..I'm talking about hand and feet warts... The total amount i counted was 14 of em,I went to Walmart to get over counter medicine.I tried every one of these medicines ,nothing and i do mean,nothing WORKED,WHATS SO EVER!!!  so i tried going to the doctor ,you know where they freeze them and you have to jerk your hand away ,because lets face it that crap hurts...the doctor freezing them never worked ,sure the color would change but it wouldn't go away...so one day my mom and i where in Walmart trying to see if there was anything else we might of missed to see if anything else would help.then a random woman came up and told us about this website called earthclinic.com and she said their is  a part on there where someone had the same issue as me, and they tried a banana peel . What you do is take the inside of the banana peel and put it on the wart and make sure to wrap it with tape. The best way to do it was at night so that it wouldn't be much as a bother.So my mother was like what the hell a banana cost like ten cents!!... So we tried it and i put it one on my hand and one on my ankle. I only did this for three nights in a row and we all know magic doesn't exist, but in three days all the warts had disappeared.. I WAS IN SHOCK!!!

heres a screen shot of this website.

I have to admit i became
very intrigued with this website, and here lately (hold on that's a lie)..lol... In the past few years i have came to this website, it's all about home remedies .They have everything from letter A to Z ...It's really just other people trying different things from Raw Apple Cider Vinegar for toothaches and Raw Organic Coconut Butter for diaper rashes... to Potato Paste For Spider Bites...and so i find myself running to this website when i have an issue..Because i would rather try to find something in my home that works, then having to go to the doctor or buying over the counter products that might not work ...  I think everyone should check this website out..its quite fascinating ....




.

The Dating Game.. What to do when you are on a date and what questions to ask!!

So i have a question to ask? When you meet someone,And your going on a date and if anyone is like me? Do you ever wonder and sit back and think? (*man,i am so nervous!,What kind of questions do you ask to really get to know someone,To see if we even have anything in common?*)...

I am pretty sure we all played the 21 questions game! To be honest though,It always felt like they where the same questions over and over nothing exciting,No weird but serious questions..
Like example:
1.whats your favorite music?
2.whats your favorite food?
3.whats your favorite hobby?

We live in the 20th century people!!!
WE NEED TO FIND NEW CREATIVE ANSWERS...
Basically just have fun with them...

Here are some fun examples you could ask....Instead of the same boring ones.

1.If you could be famous for something? what do you think it would be for?
2.if you could go back in time to a certain age? what age would it be? and why?
3. if you could have dinner with someone that was famous,who would you choose?
4.if you could choose one happy place to go to free of charge.Where would you go...


Its all about getting creative. We all know how when we go on a first date with someone and it's awkward ..And both are worried about who is going to break the ice first.... Sometimes we start off with ...how about this weather? or Anything interesting going on in your life?

so i would love to hear the stories about how people have came up with when they meet a new friend or the dates they went on...leave a comment below..the crazier the better..

Little Miss Piggy I Think Not!!!

So here is a story about my past,because with everything that is going on i want everyone to know about my story .So in order to protect my privacy i have decided to change the names of my bullies....

so here is my story...


When i was younger i was always teased i never did anything to these kids i was the kind of girl who did her own thing and when on about my business. when my mom and my ex step dad moved up to a little town called Bedias Texas. I was in the second grade at the time, little ole me scared didn't know anybody. I started gaining peoples attention, actually indicating that i was actually there.
I started getting picked on everyday,to me it felt like they thought that they had to tease me, like it was a disease for them if they didn't. I remember i would come home everyday crying to my mom of what these boys & girls were saying and doing to me. I knew what they were doing was wrong. you can not tell me these children were to young to understand that what they were doing was wrong . I sure you i know that it was, my mom always told me " Ashley treat someone with the same respect as you would want someone to treat you and if you don't i'll give you a reminder when you get home", needless to say i did exactly like my mother told me too. i was nice to the bully's i tried to say hi and wave to them , & still got bullied. There was this girl i knew and my bullies would pick on her because of how small she was, i don't remember her name but she came to our school and was put into my class, this sweet girl was picked on everyday i felt so bad for her, she didn't do anything to be made fun of. We instantly became friends, but she didn't get to stay at our school for long but i am so glad that i got to know her for  as long as i did...
There was also this boy i knew , and OH MY he was just horrible to me like literally almost all the time the most of the  bullying came from him . My mom would keep coming to the school to tell them this was  nonsense and  was unnecessary and wasn't called for but nothing ever helped, not even when my mom had to bring a cop to the school and tell him that if he didn't stop he was going to have to take him to jail and put him in handcuffs! The reason i know this is because my mom had told me. She said that the boy just started crying and begging the cop not to arrest him and that he promised he would leave me alone.  Now the question is did it work? ...Yeah... BUT ONLY ABOUT A WEEK... I didn't tell my mom i was just tired of dealing with it... So i kept my mouth shut, didn't stick up for myself and let the names be thrown at my face as if i was some clown getting pie shoved in her face. the bully's mom excuse was that his father wasn't in his life,so that gives your son the right to bully someone? I don't think that's how it works,and it shouldn't be used as an excuse.

Around junior high things were getting pretty bad,and not just at school,but my house,my safe place.
Unfortunately  i was taking my anger and frustration out on my family they weren't my enemy they didn't do anything to provoke me,But the fact is that i was hurting, i wanted my family to hurt! I wanted them to endure the emotional issues i was going thru. While i was doing this i had no clue my mom was crying herself to sleep at night trying to figure out a way why i was acting so cruelly.Then my mom thought of therapy, so i went.. It helped to a standard point but the fact was the therapist couldn't make the teenagers be nice to me, they couldn't be my superhero. So i eventually talked my mom into not letting me go back to therapy by acting out even more. So then she thought of going a doctor that helps children and adults who need help . So i went and i was prescribed Ritalin it helped a lot then my doctor made my dosage bigger, and i guess i couldn't handle it because i started getting angry. I was taken off it, but i'm not sure to be honest. Things didn't get better when a guy who was suppose to be my friend literally slapped me in face in the lunch line, no one said anything, no one asked ME if I WAS OKAY!!! I just don't understand why people allow there children to grow up like this? I know if it were my children i would be ashamed and mortified!! I would do anything to  get my child help for being a bully.


WHEN HIGH SCHOOL CAME AROUND IT  WAS HORRIBLE!!!  The bullying and name calling and being cornered by a bunch of girls demanding to know if i was pregnant?.. um hello they where doing this because i'm a thick girl ..... I eventually got out of that situation by telling them no , no , no no i'm not , they finally got the message and left me be.
Things were still going and sometimes i got a break, only when the bully's didn't show up to school.
Another reason why i hate my old high school well that day was the day were i literally gave up!!!

So here it goes I'll tell you my story.....

For Christmas my aunt had gotten me this really cute pink shirt, and i had this long,(* well not that long skirt*) that was black that my mom had bought for me and some cute sandals. I had done my hair, did my make up and  curled my hair trying to look different for once.. I felt a lot different, i felt like wow maybe now i can be a new *Ashley* than i was before! When i got to school i went straight to breakfast,talked to my friends. I got a lot of compliments that i looked really pretty. Even my bf ,( "now my ex"), told me i was gorgeous. I was feeling great, and started to feel like today was going to be a good day.. After my first three class periods, i went to child development class sat down listen to what the witch.. t mean the "(teacher") told us what our assignments were and that the student teacher who was observing us was  going to watch us and write down some notes .Well in that class i always sat with my friend john doe .. . Well my wanna be friend "decided" that instead of him just  doing his assignments, he decided that drawing a picture would be much so funner."(I didn't even know that it was going to be about me!)" So here he is drawing something, i have no clue what of . He starts to pop off with that i looking nothing but a little "Missy piggy" in my pink shirt. Granted that hurt a lot, but i eventually kept saying "(whatever your an idiot)" and he just kept on and kept on. Now before i finish up with him, there was two other people involved in this as well. Let me tell you about the second character jane doe,  she started agreeing with john doe .Then next thing i know john doe  is getting up from the chair asking he teacher for tape.So he gets the tape, and tapes this picture of a (PIG) on the front of the door in the inside of the classroom he changed that picture like four times. On the picture it said("please help this pig is 20X and is eating everything in the school we must make her stop eating", )..... He even drew a pink shirt on the pig and a black skirt. The sad part was the teacher and student teacher went to the door saw the picture and just started laughing.You would figure the teacher and maybe the student teacher would say something! Guess what they were bullies too!! I was even threatened by the teacher!!! All because i didn't know we were suppose to staple 2 worksheets together!, So i asked and jane doe came up and asked the teacher ("can i slap her for being stupid"?) and the teacher goes ("  no,but i will!")... All i could do was sit there and think, because my teacher obviously can't communicate with her classroom and never told the class what to do after we finished our work, And  i am the one who gets threatened to be slapped? Not only by a fellow student but by my TEACHER for asking a question? Anyways john doe took down the pictures and put them in the trash. When the bell finally rang i grabbed the paper out of the trash, went to the bathroom, pulled out my cell. And as i'm trying to open my phone, i am shaking trying to call my mom! I told her everything that happened. I didn't go to lunch. I went straight to the counselors office and waited for my mom to  call the principal and talk to him . I remember they called me back there and it seemed like they just didn't care and they told me they gave john doe a swat and made him apologize to me! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME.! Was that seriously the way the school had decided they were going to stop the  bullying?

well a few days later the depression just got to me. I then had made the decision that the only way this was going to stop is if i ended my life! So the plan was was set and i didn't want my mom to have to cry anymore.My brothers wouldn't have to fight my battles, and i didn't have to lay in my bed every night crying because i didn't understand what i had done that i had to be bullied every single day... So one day i was writing notes to my friends during our classes and during one of my classes, i was writing my suicide note.It was the note that would be left to my mom to find. I .needed her to know that i was sorry. This wasn't anyone's fault that this had to happen. It was obviously mine.. Well the bell rang and i was waiting for my friends, so we could exchange our notes and then go about our business. Somewhere in between our exchange of notes, i somehow managed to give my friend my suicide note. In the note it also explained why i choose to have to one more night with my family! ... During this entire time i had told myself why wasn't god answering my prayers? So i figured that since there is over 80 billion people in this world that there just wasn't enough time for me.. So in that time i challenged god ..... I challenged god to show me he cared about me. That i was important, that i mattered...The next morning he proved it ...my friend ,my beautiful most caring friend, obviously took the note that i accidentally gave to her. She didn't want to take the chance that my note was just me crying for attention!! ...She gave the note to her mom and her mother came to the school before anyone got there. So she could show them, and that they could stop me before i really did do what i was planning... I remember that morning like it was yesterday!!...I got up took a shower put on my regular clothes, put on my dark hoodie on.I put my shoes on and grabbed my back pack and went out and waited on the bus...On the way to the school, it was the small things that i was admiring ...the mist in the road ,the flowers that where blooming ..The sun was peeking thru the clouds ...all i could think about was this is what i will miss. Of course i will miss my family and my closest friends, but i knew in a few short hours it wouldn't matter anymore, i know longer would be hurt anymore ..The world was going to be just 1% better because i would no longer be here to be a burden to anyone... So after breakfast we all went to 1st period and i wasn't in there more than 5 minutes before i here my counselor asking my teacher to let me come to her office...On my way there as i'm walking to go to the office...All i could think about are they going to make me talk about what Happened a few days earlier, and put the blame on me like it was my fault.... It struck me this was the last time i was going to walk these halls because to me it didn't matter, i wasn't going to be on this earth much longer anyways why would i care?...So i get to the office and before i could knock, the door opens and in the room is my principal both counselors. They ask me to sit down and the principal starts talking about how life is such a great treasure!  And as a child he wish he got to enjoy the small things in life. It just kinda passed him by. Then my counselor starts talking about how much she likes being a counselor because she likes to help people, especially kids my age and everything. I'm sitting here thinking is this seriously why i got called up here?? Then they just come out and say well Ms Johnson, The reason why we called you up here is because a friend of yours mom came up to our school and brought us your suicide note and she wanted to make sure that you weren't serious? All i could say was  YES MA'AM! I am serious about it, i'm done!!!  The ONE thing that broke me down is the counselor then tells me your mother is on speaker phone!!  We asked her to be silent because she wanted to know for sure you where and right then and there i started crying!! It's like i had got hit by a semi or something . I didn't want my mom to hear how bad i was hurting! I just wanted to end it!!!  I told them i couldn't do it anymore!! I was tired of putting on this invisible mask with a fake smile knowing that i was NOT OK!!...Then my mom tells them well since she tired to pull this, i feel like i need to pull her out of school for a while so we can tackle this situation so she doesn't actually succeed into what she was secretly planning.
So the counselor and my principal agreed...As i am waiting to go home, expecting that it was going to be my mom picking me up.. I saw my oldest brothers truck and i'm like o crap! I'm really bout to get cussed out...But honestly that didn't happen! I was waiting for him to just get mad at me and start yelling but he never did. When i looked over at him, i saw tears in his eyes and the first thing he said to me is* why would you do this? Why didn't you come to me instead of planning to kill yourself ?? All i could say is,you have your own life to live and i didn't want to bother you?
 As we pull up and get out of the truck. My brother just grabs me, tears trying not to come out from the corner of his eyes, and he had his arms stretched out and we hugged.Then looked at me and said please never try to pull this again!!! I'm your big brother!,I will always be here for you!, If you need to talk even, if i get mad, just know its because i love you!!! .... I said OK!, i promise!, I will never pull this again!! ...As soon as i get in the house, My mom face was red with big puffy eyes you could tell by looking at her ,,,She wasn't mad and wasn't upset, But it looked like i had just broke my own mothers heart because i didn't go to her when i should've! I dropped my back pack and i immediately walked to my mom and hugged her. We both just cried ....Then we talked and talked and i told her everything i was feeling and why i thought i had to do it. I couldn't take it anymore...So that night when it was bedtime. My family made me sleep in the living room and even when i protested that i wasn't going to do anything. It was the fact that i scared them so bad... They were probably terrified that i would've done it anyway... A few days later i got phone calls from most of my family and turns out i really was loved and i told each one i was so sorry that i scared them and that i would never do this again. That if i had an issue i would go to someone and talk to them about what i was feeling...I then went and talked to my youth minister and i had told him the reason i tried to do what i planned to do was because i thought God didn't care about me that there where more important things going on in the world that needed to be answered than mine! Then i explained that i decided to challenge the Lord because if he loved me like the bible says i need him to show me that he does ...My youth pastor then told me i was wrong ..God did show me ....although we may not see God that doesn't mean he isn't there. Although we cant hear our Fathers words we know in our hearts what he is saying..Although we don't always see Gods love for us we see it by things that makes us happy...God showed me he cared for me by my friends mom coming to the school to stop me.God showed me he heard my prayers when i saw my brothers and my moms face from crying and they didn't understand at that moment why i planned it. All i can say is now i will never challenge my Heavenly Father ... I asked the Lord to forgive me for challenging him to prove to me he loved me and in my heart i knew he was there touching my shoulder and smiling....So i was out of school for a year and i had decided that i wanted to go back to school and no before anyone ask!, The bullying never did stop, like why not? But i had a brand new attitude the old Ashley was gone!!! this is the new Ashley and i ended up making my bullies mad at me because i know longer cried, i know longer cared what words they threw at me...There where bad days and i mostly had good days but it didn't matter ...so then my father had called my mother and they made a deal he was moving out and he didn't want to sell the house he was living at and he didn't want to to get rid of the furniture. So him and my mom made a deal, that we could move there.

 So after my dad moved out we just packed all our things and moved to Splendora ,Texas and this move was more to help me because i needed a new life. Somewhere know one knew me...I started school in 2008 at Cleveland high and since that day i never got bullied.. I might have gotten into an argument or two but never once got bullied. My mom and family saw i was much happier. I graduated in 2010 ...It did suck because i didn't get to graduate with my friends that i had known since elementary, but i did it ... I had a few heart breaks, one possible miscarriage (still don't know about what it was), A few more heart breaks, got a new best friend forever named Sandra and her children are like my babies .... As i am sitting here writing all of this, i can finally say i am so glad my friend and her mother stopped me that next day ... That to never take life granted.. We aren't promised tomorrow, and to love every moment of it, and one day after i have my children, i will tell them how much my life was growing up. The people who i got to meet..The things i got to see and the things i got to do ...I can say there is so much in this world and i know i have purpose. That we all do in our Heavenly Fathers plan for every single one...I will even tell them the day someone called me little miss piggy and how after everything was said and done. I am still here with a grin on my face of how my bullies almost got me down...


in this note this really did happen...I  am now 27 yrs of age ..NO i don't have children yet, but i will be attending college next yr for cosmetology. Then i'm hoping to go back for another year to get an actual diploma ....


thanks for reading my story and i hope this might help someone else in pain...Remember don't keep this bottled up..SPEAK TO ANYONE THAT YOU THINK WILL HEAR YOU OUT.!!! Call the suicide hotline if you have too...I can tell you first hand, keeping it bottled up will only tear you down..Your not alone...
:)
 sincerely yours
    Ashley..

5 month challenge!!!

hello sorry ive been gone, so ive been thinking im 2o yrs old will be 21 in november. i want to look super sexy for my bday so ive came up with an idea for a five month challenge to help me lose weight... i take a pill called (( purple tiger)) its basically an energy pill i used to know this woman who would literrally take these pills called (( energy now )) with coca cola ... you could get these pills at any gas station. any way she would litterally take 6 to 10 packs a day of theses pills they didnt do anything for her she was just an addict to it ... so more to my plan i deffentially dont want to get addicted to purple tiger but order for me to get off my butt and get to work ive decided that im going to take my purple tiger pills and my alli pills to get me started.... so heres my list to do
take a purple tiger
30 mins of cleaning kitchen...
4 loads of laundry.
20 mintues of bathroom
make sure nothing is on the floor. sweep all the floors
vaccum the rug in living room
walk around the apartment complex for 30 mintues especially with all the stupid hills lol...
take an alli pill and then fix a light breakfast which can be toast with a slice of tomato on top sooo goood....
put away laundry
clean both bedrooms
work out for 20 mins( i heard if you work out small then work your way up is the best)
take an alli pill and fix up a small lunch
take an 2 hour nap
wake up... freshen up
sweep all floors again
clean up the front &back
work out again for 20 mins
take a shower do all that stuff ....
take an alli fix up dinner
do dishes
clean up the kitchen
and the rest is my day off lol....

gosh i cant wait im going to take a pic of me every three weeks to see how much i progressed so pray for me it may seem a stupid idea to you but to me its sounds like a perfect idea...

friday facts!!!

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

umm no it would just freak me out.

2.Do you take shampoo and conditioner from hotels?

noppee :) there shampoo is and conditioner is like rubber um no ill pass on.

3.Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

um no they have to be tucked out.

4.Have you ever stolen a street sign before.

umm no i follow the rules

5.do you like to use post it notes.

naw there arent my style lol.

6.Do you cut out coupons then never use them.

if i cut em id use them .

7.would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?

hmmm let me think im highly allergic to bees and i dont want to be attacked by a bear but id chose a swarmp of bees.

8.Do you have freckles?

yeah but there barely there.

9.Do you smile in pictures.

umm nope if you knew my mom and friends there always threatening me to smile lol

10.What is something that annoys you?

certain family members who think there just abused and got there panties in a twist.

11.Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

yeah sometimes when im bored.

12.Have you ever peed in the woods?

umm seriously? yeah i was at this place called ghost road ...

13.what about pooped in the woods?

oh lordy no lol...

14.Do you ever dance with no music?

of course if i didnt then people would think something is wrong with me .

15.Do you chew on your pens and pencils?

yeah when i was in school i would.

16.How many people have you slept with this week...

WOW SO MOVING ON!!!

17.What size is your bed?

a twin i tottally need to get a full sized or a queen.

18.What is your song of the week?

hmmm... needles by system of a down ..good song

19.Is it ok for guys to wear pink?

NO its not omg.

20.Do you still watch cartoons?

heck yeah i do your never to young.